Lacklustre Mornings

Lacklustre mornings of today remind me of yesterday night unrecognizable laughter wafts back a lover's stride in unison shatters against today's discord You were so extraordinarily awkward long stooping back, slouching ahead an occasional glance upwards shy eyes twinkling with uncertainty but full of desire to explore Those strange January days of tempestuous love and stormy fights would end with buying condoms blue, orange and deep red like the shades of our conversation Blue from that first film, Rushmore Orange were the days then when you peeled off my clothes and my hesitation and made red stream down my legs The first time I loved you was when you pulled out that old crumpled t shirt and quietly, gently, wiped the red soaking, wiping, patting dry Like I patted you down, after our first shower together steaming scalding hot water cascading down, burning I still wanted more To trace ravines down your back As you slept I counted the spots there were many, were you easily bruised? I didn't ask and you never said anything What was it like to be wanted by you I can't remember, it's so far away memories at such a distance that sometimes I wonder if it happened at all. Second guessing is my second nature I am sure I want out I want to get away from your cold, piercing silence I've had enough You never stop me In fact, you don't believe me Do what you will The most hurtful words ever written Like you'd cut me loose suspension is painful with strung arms that start stirring at the first hint of a response from you I think I've walked cobbled streets chaffed against the friction of harsh, rough paths As I turn at the crossroad a breath from you pulls me back I cannot leave, you don't care If retrospection makes it all sweeter Will I laugh when I think of our colder January days of discord and difference?